Sometimes, we just aren’t who we think we are.
Now before you bust out the designer weed strain that you acquired after reading the latest article in High Times, let me simplify it for ya. I’ve got what, 13 or so ramen reviews under my belt, so I thought I had enough exp to lvl up to the big kid pool and order myself a pack straight from one of the more famous shops in the motherland: Ide-shoten in Wakayama, Japan. Sometimes though, you gotta suffer a few gankings before you learn your lesson and return sheepishly to the starter zones where you belong. This is one of those times. I present to you Not Your Mother’s Ramen Episode 13: Island Food – Wakayama Ramen Ide Shop.
Who ever knew you could get some high falutin noodles off of Amazon, of all places!? It’s no wonder that Bezos went from #nerdlyfe to #thuglyfe and hasn’t aged a day. That said, I love how this shop dummy-proofs their signature dish for you. 1 noodle roll, 1 soup pack, DONE. Except here’s the thing. Maybe this is my error, but it seems like the directions tell you to mix the soup pack with 330 cc of boiling water. I did, and wtf, it was inedible. I upped it to about 500 cc (2 cups), and it was about perfect, albeit a bit too much soup for a bit too little noodles. I’d like to say I messed it up here, but the taste buds don’t lie. I’m more confused than a guy working his first 3 some and the girls start going at it without you. Do you watch or participate or what? Do they even need you there? Is it okay to just sit here and watch while tickling your boner with a purple feather or does that make it weird???
One word keeps coming back to me as I sip the broth, stir the broth, balance my spoon on the broth like it’s a buoy or Raquel Welch’s tits: viscous. This soup ain’t no child’s play, it’s thicker than country gravy and meatier than taking a dozen hot dogs to the face. Seriously though, this shit’s got some serious meat stank to it. Thanks, tonkotsu! There’s some really quality shoyu that sneaks in after the pork bone flavor, though, sweet and deep, providing a great backbone and rounding out the flavor. It seriously does taste like it can stand up to the thickest of French demi-glace, it’s that kind of flavor. Pro tip: Be liberal with the green onions, it helps to cut richness and bring a whole new dimension to the dish. Sadly, the noodles were painfully thin, sparse, and completely drowned, such that it felt more like I was eating stew with added noodles, rather than ramen-fucking-noodle soup. Silver lining side note: Check out dat Tamago on FLEEK! w00t w00t!
So ya’ll, please learn from my mistakes. Either I’m a basic b who can’t tell the difference between boxed wine and Chateau Rayas Chateauneuf du Pape, or I pulled an Icarus and flew too close to the sun. Either way, you gotta be completely real with yourself as a person, even if that person is a fat kid with adult-onset diabetus who just isn’t ready for the high life. But hey, #goals, amirite?
Final Score: 6.5/10