Oh my god, y’all. These noodles are SO BAD. Like…they taste like your straight from the 80s, psyllium husk-drinking, Richard Simmons leotard-wearing, heartlight aerobics enthusiast mother wanted to “spice it up” in the kitchen and try her hand out at Asian cooking, but with her own original healthy twist (please no God don’t take this from us, too…), when she is neither Asian nor a cook. The noodles are…okay, I guess. They’re bouncy, slippery, not fried. But they’re also pretty unremarkable, given the glaring overkill of Sichuan peppercorn in the sauce. And we all know that Sichuan peppercorn overkill gives us a mega case of metal mouth.

Seriously, whose idea was it to say oh, I can skimp on primo quality ingredients if I just overload everyone with numbing flavor so’s your tongue can’t notice how much we fudged the recipe anyway? Oh, right. Well, Nattibo fuckn notices. I don’t even have the motivation for an intro no more. NYMR Episode 40: Gi Shen Noodles – Onion Flavor. Loneliness kills. So does bad food.

Final Score: 3.0/10