So ya’ll heard about the literal miracle cure-all going around the market? Doesn’t matter what ails you, whether it be I wanna ace my bio-chem test that instead of studying for, I spent 14 hours playing Call of Duty all day on Sunday with a bunch of 11 year olds who apparently all really want me sleep with my mom, trying to get the devil to release a family member from his clutches, you ate the wrong flavor of Tide Pods, or you’re a Senator responding to one of the deadliest school shootings in American history, thoughts & prayers has got you covered. Honestly it’s hard to believe it’s taken so long for people to get on board. They’re still wasting their time trying to do the work rather than use the tried and true thoughts & prayers method that produces actual results…or are they? Shit, there’s just no way for anyone to know from Facebook groups or faux-news sites alone, so Nattibo is gonna settle this once & for all by doing a little experiment on her own. For science. And for ramen, duh. This is Not Your Mother’s Ramen Episode 33: Shirakiku Goku-Uma Ramen Noodles – Miso Flavor. Please send your thoughts & prayers, I’m gonna need em.
I know ya’ll sent em to me just now, because oh man. The power of thoughts and prayers is surging through me mad strong like I’d been chugging on Powerthirst, and it feels pretty flippin great. I’m more pumped up right now than Jim Caviezal in that hot new Jesus theatrical documentary that’s bout to drop. It feels like I don’t have to actually make an effort and things will just work themselves out, so why should I? If I’m channeling my thoughts and prayers into this ramen and feeling good about this already, I’ve done my part, amirite? Good. Now let’s check out my handiwork…
Um. I’m not quite sure what I’m looking at right now. This shit is rougher than Rachel Dratch and ugly enough to scare the horses. Ain’t nobody wanna see me without my makeup on, so why the fuck would I accept the same from my ramen? Thoughts & prayers, wth?
Upon inspection, it would appear as if thoughts and prayers didn’t actually change things at all. And that’s news to me; it goes counter to everything social media and your US Congressmen would have you believe. Turns out I actually have to do some work if I want to improve my situation here. Huh. Well, okay. Lemme use the power of mise en place to smack some chopped green onions, toasted sesame seeds, chili mixture and a soft-boiled egg on this bowl, and let’s see if you can tell the transformation.
Well damn, science don’t lie! Looks like the best results come from thoughts & prayers to comfort your feelings and encourage action, and actual work to handle reality and actually fix the problem logistically. YAS. But focus Nat, and let us not forget that this is a ramen review. The soup was better than I originally anticipated. The miso had a nice, subtle complexity filled with umami, salt, and earthiness that simply cannot be replicated unless you use a paste; it’s actually sacrilegious to drink powdered “miso” soup, so you notice the difference when you’re getting the real thing. The biggest downside is that as you drink the broth, you realize the saltiness sinks to the bottom and starts to become pretty unbearable – that’s why miso ramens generally aren’t my thing. I tossed a good amount of liquid after I was done. The green onions they provide you are assertive, but you know I always want more like that ungrateful chump Oliver Twist. For fried noodles, these were pretty impressive. Nice and crinkly, easy to slurp, they held up for quite some time without getting soggy. A great beginner miso ramen, if you ask me.
Final Score: 7.0/10;
Final Score After Thoughts & Prayers: still 7.0, but I feel more accomplished about it.
(Sidenote: If you enjoyed this post and can dabble in a pretty morbid sense of humor, try your hand at the Thoughts & Prayers game. It’ll turn give you that upside-down smile that, after this week in American exceptionalism, I’m rocking pretty hard right now.)