Gooooood morning Vietnam! So I’ve been rolling with Wayne Brady lately, and he taught me how to pimp right. And by that I mean I’d been sitting in the back my mom’s SUV watching the Chappelle Show on my Sylvania while she rolls around 10 miles under the speed limit looking for yard sales in the suburbs. So whudup, you got a lil sumpin for Nattibo this season? GIMME THAT LEG, BOY! This is Not Your Mother’s Ramen Episode 26 – Vina Acecook Hảo Hảo Sate Onion Flavor.
Saying “Hao Hao” just makes me happy. +2 talent points in Asian-ness. So lessee, there’s 2 packets: powder and red flavored palm oil. Wtf, no veggies? Cheapasses. But what do you expect for 79 cents? An orgasm? …why, you buying or selling? How long of an O will 79 cents get me? #pipedreams #idealism #unrealisticexpectations.
Looks like Acecook wants us to use the cover & steep method. Put the noodle block in the bowl, squeeze out the fat and dump the powder. Whoa. Take a whiff of this shit. We in deep street onion country here. I love when I can see MSG twice, as an ingredient in the soup AND incorporated right in the fried noodles. Ain’t no better way to spend your Sunday afternoon than chasing the dragon.*
Speaking of noodles, this is where this hunk of cheap thrills really shines: thin, flavored from the inside-out, GBD (Golden Brown Delicious), firm and softly curled, like beach- or just-got-fucked hair.
I’m not gonna lie, these are economic-tasting but not completely in a gross distracting way. Fried onion ring is the predominant flavor, which is great, because who the fuck doesn’t wanna stuff their face with fried onion rings!? It certainly lives up to its name. You’re not gonna get your mind or your dick blown with these, so check your expectations at the door. What you do have, though, is a filling and flavorful light noodle soup at a bargain price. You’d be hard pressed to find an Asian, black, white, brown, or polka dot person who would turn that juice down. Times still be tough, yo. #middleclasswoes
But the best thing about these is what we’ve come to expect from most southeast Asian noodles: it’s the PERFECT amount. We all wanna be a lil naughty without blowing our cheat day, and at 330 calories, you don’t have to. So take your AM supplements, Acecook Hao Hao noodles for lunch, a sensible dinner, and you got yerself something going on there.
Final Score: 6.5/10
*FYI – Heroine Hero is a very real game available on Google Play. So let’s juice up and catch that pesky critter.